There is nothing much left to do once you’ve done security check for the flight you are about to board, specially when you have been shopping for last three weeks. Even the airport shops don’t excite you that much.
Early morning flights are always inconvenient specially when you don’t have any other option and also when you are heading back to place of work. Sitting there and waiting for the boarding gate to open I realized that I am feeling different all together. What is it? May be anxiety, sadness, or not been able to come up with terms to the fact that three weeks long vacation has finally come to an end. 😔
It’s been six years that I have been staying away from home, well actually ten years if I count the hostel days as well. So it’s not the feeling that one gets when he is leaving home for the first time. No that’s not it. Then why am I feeling that as though my mind is resisting my body to not go?
Just going back three weeks in time , I remember when I was packing my bags for this vacation. The happiness of being with family after a long time, excitement of not working for another three weeks and the thought of not setting up alarm was giving me goosebumps and I was feeling ecstatic to another level.
My place of work is in nainital situated in beautiful valley of Uttarakhand , so work is good there , people are good and of course needless to say place is amazing as well. I am a total mountain person as they say, I feel that being in mountains one can totally connect to oneself because the way those mountains and pure nature around imposes on you , it’s simply magical. So why am I having a pit feeling in my stomach. After all three weeks is a long time for a break from work!
I guess it all boils down to one thing – pain of separation. And I feel it’s the biggest of all. We as humans beings are so attached to people who are in our lives, who matter to us, our family, friends and people we love. So no matter how much time we spend with those special people , we always end up craving for more. And sometimes even a lifetime is not enough!
So if my leave was even for another one month, I would end up feeling the same at the end of the month. So I guess it’s a viscious cycle of happiness and pain. We as human beings are always in search of happiness, we do things that bring us happiness and these things then bring pain as well. Like in this case , the vicious cycle is of me going on leave and then going back to work.
So should I just not go on leave to avoid the pain I feel towards the end of leave? No. because that would seem like an option a person would choose who is incapable of handling pain and going through the whole process , for him an easier option would be to take a way which reduces pain. But in my opinion that’s not how a life is lived. Avoiding a path just because the ratio of pain to happiness is MAY BE on the higher side, should not be the reason to not seek for happiness.
So even though I know I am not feeling good today leaving my family to go back to my workplace. I know that it’s just a vicious cycle and the sooner I go back to work , the sooner will I return again. “The happiness phase of the cycle will start again” 😊
I am no philosopher who has seen enough and can actually talk and inspire people to follow a certain way in life because they think the way they saw life is the right way. I can only talk in terms of energy, and I believe everyone should seek those things and people in their life who bring positive energy and positive vibes in our life. If we keep our focus on negative things and have a pessimistic outlook towards life then obviously the positive things will be blurry and out of focus. We will forget to appreciate the good things life and will focus on following a path having less pain thinking that even if the path doesn’t bring happiness at least it will not bring pain.
We should always seek and hold on to the people and things bringing happiness in our life as they are the only ones which will give us strength to endure pain , if any coming along the way.
After all, it’s a vicious cycle –
Happiness – Pain of Separation – Happiness !
And a life full of experiences is always better than life full of paths being avoided. 😜 And YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE!